Someone once asked what the most embarrassing moment of my life was, and I must confess, I had so many to choose from I couldn’t pin one down at the time. Truth be told, I do a lot of stupid things, so many that they sometimes they don’t even embarrass me any more. I just go right along as if they had never happened and let people stand there slack-jawed and amazed at my stupidity.
Yet given time to dwell on things there is one moment that stands out above the others. I was a freshman at Trinity Christian College and was singing in the Chorale. We had a new director that year, Dr. Jerry Hoekstra, a guy who grew up in my neighborhood. He was a big fan of Early American music so our first concert was music from the 1600’s and Colonial period of history.
One piece in particular captured the spirit of that time, a piece entitled The Funeral Dirge of George Washington, the dirge played at his funeral. The chorus was actually familiar to me; dum dum de-dum, dum de-dum de-dum de-dum (I think we plugged in words “pray for the dead and the dead will pray for you”).
One day in practice we concocted a practical joke to play on the new choir director. Since the song was a funeral dirge we thought it would be funny to have two of us fall over as if we were dead on the last note of the song. They chose me and Hendrick Bruinsma, another freshman, to be the victims because we stood at the ends of the back row and it would make it more dramatic.
The day of the concert arrived and the plan was still in place. We sang in the school cafeteria, and it was a really good concert. This was my first concert at the college level, singing more complex music, and I really enjoyed the challenge. But I have to admit, while some of the pieces were beautiful I didn’t share the same passion for music from this period as Dr. Hoekstra did. Finally we arrived at the Dirge, the final song of the concert, and I was ready to go. The song had several verses, all ending in that familiar chorus. I sang with all my heart and the on the last note of the song I grabbed my chest, let out a loud groan, and tumbled off the risers to the floor.
As I lay on the ground with my eyes shut I was extremely conscious of the silence in the room. Suddenly I heard someone talking to me, telling me to relax, things would be OK. I opened my eyes to find a doctor that went to our church kneeling over me. He had unbuttoned my shirt and was checking for a heartbeat along my neck.
I had two choices here; jump up and say “hah, hah, it’s just a joke” or lay still as if I had really passed out. I used wisdom and took the second choice. They brought me a glass of water and after a few minutes I sat up, then stood and exited the room, I think to applause (but that might be an imaginary embellishment.).
It never occurred to me that I had been set up. I was sure we were playing a joke on the director. I asked Hendrick why he didn’t fall over and he gave me some song and dance that I was so realistic that he was stunned into silence; that he thought I had really passed out. I asked him if he didn’t find it a little coincidental that I would pass out at that precise moment; he did find that a little odd. I learned after the concert that when I went down my Mom was sure that I had died.
In retrospect, it was a pretty stupid prank, whether it was directed at Dr. Hoekstra, me, or both of us. And it probably the most embarrassing moment of my life.
